Marriage
In today’s society, particularly in minority communities, many women find themselves navigating the emotionally treacherous waters of modern dating, where men often prey on their deep desires for commitment and family. While relationships can be a beautiful journey towards marriage, some men have turned these aspirations into a dangerous game, manipulating women’s emotions and boundaries, leaving them disillusioned and heartbroken.
The Problem: Men Preying on Women’s Emotions
One growing issue in dating today is the way some men present themselves as potential husbands without the genuine intention of commitment. These men manipulate women into believing they are the “one,” often using the phrase, “I’m your husband,” to create a false sense of security. They exploit women’s desire for marriage, knowing how much emotional weight the idea of commitment holds.
For women, particularly in minority communities where marriage and family are often highly valued, the longing for partnership can make them vulnerable. These men prey on this by making promises they don’t intend to keep, only to conquer and discard the woman once they’ve crossed certain emotional or physical boundaries. Once a woman lets down her guard or compromises her standards, these men label her as “unworthy of marriage” and move on, leaving emotional wreckage in their wake.
Why Some Men Think It’s Acceptable
Many men have internalized a warped sense of masculinity that equates their worth with their ability to “conquer” women. For them, the pursuit is not about genuine love or connection but about feeding their ego. Once they’ve succeeded in getting a woman to lower her standards or boundaries, they lose interest.
In some minority communities, where socioeconomic pressures and broken family structures are more common, young men are often socialized without positive role models for healthy relationships. The absence of committed male figures in the home creates a cycle of dysfunction, where emotional manipulation becomes a normalized behavior. Rather than viewing women as partners to cherish and build with, they see them as challenges to overcome.
This behavior is also deeply rooted in a desire to gatekeep marriage. These men know that women yearn for security and love, but they dangle the promise of marriage as bait, without ever intending to commit. Once they’ve played with a woman’s emotions, they discard her, tarnishing her self-worth, and she is left feeling that she has been “ruined” for a future marriage.
How to Navigate Dating and Hold Onto Your Standards
For women, it’s critical to recognize these manipulative tactics and hold firm to their standards. No man should be able to convince you that you need to lower your boundaries in order to secure his affection. When dating, women need to:
💕Guard their hearts and emotions: Don’t allow a man to call himself your husband unless his actions back up his words. True commitment shows through consistent actions, not empty promises.
💕Move slowly: Don’t rush to assume every man who shows interest is “the one.” Take time to observe his character and intentions. Marriage-minded men show stability, integrity, and consistency.
💕Be clear about your expectations: Communicate your standards and don’t waver on them. If a man isn’t aligned with your values and boundaries, it’s better to walk away than to stay and be manipulated.
Women’s Anxiety Around Marriage
Many women are often too anxious about getting into a relationship and assuming that every man they meet is a potential husband. This anxiety stems from cultural pressures, family expectations, and even societal norms. Unfortunately, this anxiety can lead women to overlook red flags and rush into relationships that aren’t rooted in mutual respect or shared values.
Men prey on this reality by using a woman’s eagerness for marriage to manipulate her into compromising her values. The narrative that a woman’s worth is tied to her marital status is still prevalent, especially in urban communities where stable marriages are less common. Men who gatekeep marriage feed into this insecurity, playing with women’s emotions and making them believe that they need to “prove” their worth in order to be chosen.
The Impact on Families and Marriage in Urban Communities
This manipulative behavior has a devastating impact on family structures in urban communities. The manipulation and abandonment of women have led to an increase in single-parent households and a breakdown in family stability. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 67% of African American children are raised in single-parent homes. The decline in marriage rates in minority communities is also alarming, with only 29% of African Americans being married, compared to 48% of the overall U.S. population.
The emotional damage caused by these predatory dating behaviors leaves women jaded, mistrusting men, and less likely to enter into healthy, committed marriages. This perpetuates a cycle of broken families and unstable relationships, which can have generational consequences on children raised in these environments.
God’s Perspective on Manipulation and Marriage
Scripture is clear about God’s stance on love, marriage, and manipulation. Proverbs 12:22 reminds us that, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” A man who manipulates a woman’s emotions for his own gain is engaging in behavior that goes against God’s heart for relationships.
Marriage is meant to be a reflection of Christ’s love for the church, as seen in Ephesians 5:25, which says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” A marriage-minded man will approach relationships with the same sacrificial love, seeking to protect, honor, and uplift the woman he loves.
Women are also encouraged to wait on the Lord’s timing in relationships. Proverbs 31:10 reminds us that, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” You don’t need to compromise your worth or settle for a man who doesn’t value you as God does.
How Marriage-Minded Men Pursue Marriage-Minded Women
Men who are genuinely seeking marriage don’t manipulate or toy with a woman’s emotions. They pursue women with intention and respect. They recognize that marriage is a serious commitment, not a game. These men will:
💍Be clear about their intentions: They won’t leave you guessing about their commitment. They make their desire for a serious relationship known early on.
💍Respect your boundaries: A man who truly sees you as a wife will respect your emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries. He won’t push you to compromise in areas that make you uncomfortable.
💍Show consistency: His words and actions will align. You won’t have to question his character because he will demonstrate that he’s reliable and trustworthy.Women need to present themselves as confident, whole individuals, rooted in their identity in Christ. Men recognize a wife when they see a woman who holds fast to her values, knows her worth, and refuses to settle for less than God’s best.
Here are some key dating tips to help women who want to remain set apart and modest while navigating the dating scene:
❤️Stay Rooted in Your Values: Before entering the dating world, be clear about your personal values, standards, and non-negotiables. These should guide your decisions and help you stay grounded. Don’t compromise your beliefs or boundaries to please someone else or fit into societal norms. Remember, staying true to your faith and convictions sets you apart.
Tip: Write down your values and revisit them regularly to ensure you’re staying aligned with what truly matters to you.
❤️Set Boundaries Early On: Establish emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries early in the relationship. This helps to protect your heart, maintain your self-respect, and prevent situations where you might feel pressured or uncomfortable. Make sure the person you’re dating understands and respects these boundaries.
Tip: Communicate your boundaries clearly and confidently without apologizing for them. A man who genuinely values you will respect them.
❤️Take Things Slowly: Avoid rushing into deep emotional or physical involvement too quickly. Taking time to get to know someone’s character, intentions, and values allows you to build a solid foundation for the relationship. Moving slowly also gives you time to discern whether the person is compatible with your long-term goals and faith.
Tip: Focus on friendship first and allow the relationship to develop naturally. Watch how they treat others and how they handle conflict or adversity.
❤️Guard Your Heart: Be cautious about giving too much of yourself emotionally too soon. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” While it’s important to be open and vulnerable in a healthy relationship, it’s equally important to protect your heart from being hurt or manipulated.
Tip: Be intentional about who you invest your time and emotions in. Trust is earned, not freely given at the beginning.
❤️Dress Modestly: Dressing modestly doesn’t mean sacrificing your personal style or beauty. It’s about presenting yourself in a way that reflects your dignity, confidence, and self-respect. Modesty communicates that your worth is not based solely on your outward appearance but on your inner beauty and character.
Tip: Choose outfits that make you feel confident but don’t overly reveal your body. Your goal is to leave room for a man to see your personality and heart first.
❤️Pray for Discernment: Dating is a time to seek God’s guidance and wisdom. Pray regularly for discernment in your interactions with men. Ask God to reveal any red flags or warning signs, and to help you navigate relationships with grace, wisdom, and patience.
Tip: Before a date, pray for clarity and peace. After each interaction, reflect on whether the person draws you closer to God or pulls you away.
❤️Watch for Consistency: Actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to a man’s consistency over time—whether he follows through on what he says, how he treats others, and whether his actions align with his words. This will reveal his true character and intentions.
Tip: Don’t settle for promises; wait for proof of consistent behavior that reflects his respect and commitment.
❤️Date with Purpose: If your goal is marriage, date with intention. Be upfront about your desire for a serious, long-term relationship. Avoid casual dating or relationships where there is no clarity or mutual goal. A man who is serious about you will honor your desire for purposeful dating and won’t waste your time.
Tip: Let your conversations and time together focus on understanding each other’s long-term goals, beliefs, and values, rather than only having fun or avoiding deeper topics.
❤️Surround Yourself with Godly Counsel: Seek advice and support from trusted friends, family, or mentors who share your values. These people can provide guidance, accountability, and a fresh perspective, helping you stay grounded in your principles and avoid common pitfalls in dating.
Tip: When you feel unsure about a relationship, ask for feedback from those who know you well and have your best interests at heart.
❤️ Know Your Worth: Remember that your worth is not defined by whether or not you’re in a relationship. You are valuable, loved, and complete in Christ. Enter dating knowing that you don’t need a relationship to validate you; rather, you are looking for someone who aligns with your values and complements your journey.
Tip: Regularly affirm your identity in Christ by meditating on scriptures such as Psalm 139:14 (“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made”) to remind yourself of your inherent worth.
By staying rooted in your values, guarding your heart, and trusting God’s timing, you can maintain modesty and integrity on the dating scene while waiting for a relationship that aligns with your standards and faith.
Scriptures to Reflect On
📖Proverbs 31:10
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”
Context: This verse is part of the famous passage known as the Proverbs 31 Woman, which describes the virtues of an excellent wife and woman of godly character. It emphasizes that a noble woman, full of integrity, wisdom, and strength, is rare and extremely valuable. The passage encourages both men and women to seek and embody these traits in marriage, showcasing the importance of inner beauty and character over material wealth or physical attractiveness.
📖Proverbs 12:22
“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.”
Context: This proverb reflects God’s desire for honesty and integrity. It condemns deceit, including emotional manipulation, dishonesty, or lying for personal gain, especially in relationships. In the context of dating and marriage, this scripture highlights the importance of being truthful and reliable. Trust is foundational in any relationship, and God honors those who act with sincerity and transparency.
📖Ephesians 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Context: This verse is from Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, where he describes the proper relationship between a husband and wife. It calls for husbands to love their wives with the same sacrificial love that Christ showed for the church. This means love that is selfless, protective, nurturing, and unconditional. The passage underscores the responsibility of a man to care deeply for his wife, elevating the standard of how a godly man should approach marriage, with genuine love and commitment, not manipulation or self-interest.
These scriptures provide a foundation for understanding God’s expectations for love, honesty, and the sacredness of marriage, offering guidance for both men and women on how to pursue and build godly relationships.
Conclusion
The predatory nature of some men in today’s dating world has caused significant harm to women and families in minority communities. It’s essential for women to recognize these manipulative tactics, hold firm to their standards, and trust in God’s timing for a healthy, committed relationship. By doing so, they protect their hearts from unnecessary pain and position themselves to be pursued by the right man, a man who sees their worth and values marriage as God intended it to be.
Remaining set apart and modest in today’s dating scene can be challenging, but it’s essential for women who want to build meaningful, God-honoring relationships. By staying true to your values, setting clear boundaries, and allowing God to guide your decisions, you position yourself to attract a partner who will respect, honor, and cherish you. Trust in God’s timing and don’t feel pressured to conform to societal expectations or settle for less than you deserve. Remember, you are worthy of love that reflects God’s unconditional love, and when you date with purpose, integrity, and faith, you’re more likely to cultivate relationships that lead to lasting joy and fulfillment.
Ultimately, waiting for the right man who aligns with your faith, respects your values, and sees you as a partner in life is worth far more than settling for less. As Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” By trusting God and remaining true to who He has called you to be, you will be guided toward the right relationship in His perfect timing.✨🙏🏾