Vetting

When it comes to dating, it’s easy to get swept away by surface level attraction or momentary chemistry. But what happens when the honeymoon phase fades, and you're faced with real-life decisions and challenges? That's where dating from your core values comes into play.

Your core values are the foundational principles that guide your decisions and define who you are. When you date from your core values, you prioritize finding someone who aligns with your deepest beliefs, helping build a relationship based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared goals.

What Are Core Values?

Core values are the non-negotiable beliefs that shape how you live your life. They influence how you handle relationships, friendships, work, and personal growth. Everyone’s core values are unique, but here are some common examples:

🎯Loyalty: Staying true and committed to people and promises.

🎯Integrity: Being honest and consistent in your actions and words.

🎯Faith: Prioritizing spiritual growth and trusting in a higher power.

🎯Empathy: Understanding and sharing the feelings of others.

🎯Ambition: Valuing hard work, perseverance, and goal-setting.

🎯Respect: Treating others with dignity and kindness, even in conflict.

🎯Transparency: Being open, vulnerable, and clear in communication.

🎯Family: Prioritizing family bonds and nurturing healthy family relationships.

Once you’re clear on your core values, it becomes easier to recognize when a potential partner aligns with or contradicts those principles. Dating from your values helps ensure that you’re building a relationship with someone who supports your growth and walks alongside you in your journey.

Why Is Dating from Core Values So Important?

When we date without considering our values, it can lead to a relationship filled with frustration, miscommunication, and unmet needs. However, dating from a place of authenticity and shared principles creates a strong foundation, so when challenges arise, you’re able to navigate them with a partner who sees the world through a similar lens.

Vetting for Specific Values

It’s not enough to only understand surface-level values; you must also dive deeper into key areas that influence the stability of a relationship. Here’s how to vet a partner based on essential values:

Wisdom

Wisdom goes beyond intelligence or knowledge, it’s about making sound decisions, learning from experience, and displaying maturity in thought. A wise partner can be trusted to lead in difficult moments and approach life with understanding and patience.

Questions to ask:

•Can you tell me about a time when you had to make a difficult decision? What did you learn from it?

•Who do you turn to for advice when faced with tough situations?

Health

Health is not just about physical fitness but also mental and emotional well-being. Vetting for health as a core value means finding someone who values taking care of their body, mind, and emotions. It shows how committed they are to self-care and long-term vitality.

Questions to ask:

•How do you prioritize your health, both physically and mentally?

•What does self-care look like for you in your daily life?

•What is your fitness routine, and why is it important to you?

Financial Responsibility

How someone manages their finances can significantly affect a relationship’s long-term health. Vetting for financial values involves understanding how they handle money, budget, and cope with financial loss or hardship.

Questions to ask:

•What has been your biggest financial challenge, and how did you handle it?

•How do you manage financial stress, and what’s your approach to budgeting?

•What are your financial goals for the future?

Hygiene

Hygiene reflects self-respect and care. Beyond personal cleanliness, it speaks to their habits around keeping their space and lifestyle healthy and organized.

Questions to ask:

•How important is personal hygiene to you?

•What are your habits when it comes to maintaining a clean and organized living environment?”

Spirituality

Spirituality is a core value that connects to your beliefs about life’s purpose, faith, and deeper meaning. If faith or spirituality is a guiding force in your life, it’s essential to understand where a potential partner stands on these matters.

Questions to ask:

•How do you express your spirituality or faith in your daily life?

•What role does faith play in your decision-making?

Key Questions to Ask on the First Few Dates

To ensure that someone aligns with your core values, it’s crucial to ask intentional questions early on. Here are some good questions to help you gauge a potential partner's values during the first few dates:

🎯What are you passionate about?

This question gives insight into what drives them. Are they focused on personal growth, spirituality, or making a difference in the world? Their passions can often reveal what they value most in life.

🎯How do you handle difficult situations or disagreements?

This speaks to their problem solving skills and emotional intelligence. Do they approach conflicts with respect and patience, or do they tend to react impulsively?

🎯What role does faith or spirituality play in your life?

If faith is one of your core values, it’s essential to understand where your partner stands spiritually. While you don’t have to be identical, knowing whether they prioritize a spiritual journey can help you assess compatibility.

🎯What are your thoughts on family and commitment?

  For those who value family, this question reveals whether they have similar priorities. It also touches on their views on long-term relationships and building a future.

🎯How do you spend your free time?

How someone spends their time can reveal a lot about their values. If they consistently invest time in personal growth, community service, or their passions, this might align with your core values.

🎯What are your long-term goals?

Ambition, drive, and purpose are all tied to long-term goals. This question allows you to see if their vision of the future aligns with your own, especially when it comes to career, personal development, and relationships.

🎯How do you define success?

Their definition of success could point to what they value most whether it's family, career, faith, or personal happiness. This helps you see if your definitions match.

🎯What are you most grateful for in life?

Gratitude often reflects someone’s ability to appreciate life’s blessings. Someone who values gratitude may be more inclined to focus on the positives in a relationship, rather than constantly seeking perfection.

How to Vet a Partner Based on Core Values

🎯Pay Attention to Actions, Not Just Words: It’s easy for someone to say they value honesty, loyalty, or faith. But do their actions reflect those values? Watch how they treat others, handle adversity, and respond to situations that test their character.

🎯Listen Closely: In the early stages of dating, people tend to share their true selves when they’re not under pressure. Listen carefully to how they talk about past relationships, friendships, and their goals. Red flags or value misalignments often emerge in these casual conversations.

🎯Be Patient: Compatibility based on core values takes time to reveal itself. Don’t rush into a relationship without observing whether their actions consistently align with what they claim to value. Take your time to truly get to know the person before making any long-term commitments.

🎯Trust Your Intuition: If something feels off, trust your gut. Often, your intuition will pick up on inconsistencies or potential red flags before your mind does. Don’t dismiss what feels wrong just because you want the relationship to work.

Aligning Values for a Strong Foundation

When both you and your partner share similar core values, you create a relationship where mutual respect, love, and understanding thrive. You’ll find that you’re better equipped to navigate challenges, communicate openly, and build a future based on shared goals.

Here’s how to foster a relationship rooted in aligned values:

🎯Communicate Clearly: Be upfront about your core values and expectations. This sets the tone for honesty and transparency in your relationship.

🎯Create Boundaries: Healthy relationships have boundaries that respect each person’s values. Make sure both you and your partner feel respected and heard.

🎯Invest in Growth: Support each other’s personal and spiritual growth. When both partners are committed to becoming better versions of themselves, the relationship flourishes.

🎯Stay Aligned: Regularly check in with each other to ensure that you’re still aligned in your values and goals. This can help address any miscommunication before it becomes a larger issue.

Conclusion

Dating from your core values is about seeking authenticity and alignment rather than settling for temporary connection. By identifying and prioritizing the principles that define you, you’ll attract someone who respects and honors your deepest beliefs, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and lasting relationship.

Remember, it’s not about rushing to find someone but about finding the right person who complements your journey. When you date from your values, you're more likely to attract the partner you truly deserve one who will walk beside you through life with integrity, love, and respect. 💕